One of the best parts about being a parent and a full-blown adult is getting to be Santa Claus during Christmas. I get into the role – while my wife and I do the big Santa presents together, I am in charge of all of the stockings, including mine. This is serious business, and I take it seriously. While there are some throwaways in the group, I try hard to make the stocking gifts thoughtful and meaningful for all of us. We have some traditions – everybody gets an ornament every year, etc. But my favorite tradition is that each of us receives books from Santa every year.
Not to get too carried away here, but it is time for a Mike McD-style Ali-like return to the ring, so … we’re back
They say when you come back from not blogging that you don’t have to, and maybe even shouldn’t, apologize or explain. They are wrong. That makes no sense.
So, in one of my very first posts, one of the things I talked about was how I was inspired by, but ultimately disappointed and frustrated by, Ben over at Ben Does Life. About how he was so cavalier about “just do it!” when his process didn’t match reality for so many – we don’t all get to cut class and go running at midnight and not worry about our families and our mortgages, etc. The reality for most people is that fitting in fitness is about juggling schedules and making it work, and we don’t get to just drop Ironman training onto our daily schedule and expect a maintenance-free transition.
Ben fell off the wagon and quit blogging, and that has been frustrating, too. Because part of this whole story is the journey – there and back again, as it were. And for whatever reason I was overcome with cognitive dissonance because I never equated my abandoning this blog with Ben abandoning his. I was wrong about that.
I also fell off the wagon. After I dealt with my first (and I guess still only) running injury last summer, I was frustrated by how HARD everything felt. It was hard to eat right, it was hard to be motivated, my running performance was falling off (some of that was because I was out of shape because of the injury, some of that was because IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SUMMER, but, whatever it was, it was hard), and I just got into one of those mental funks. I didn’t have a concrete next goal to be working towards, and I just … stopped.
There was another race – a 5k in July that went very poorly – and then, on August 3rd, 2014, I went for what would become my last run for several months. I didn’t make a positive choice to stop running and eating well. I just fell back into an old routine and old habits.
When I started focusing on my food and my running, I lost 55 pounds, and needed to lose another 30 – 50. I’ve gained almost all of that back. I’m at 322 pounds as of Friday, and I’m not happy with myself for it. This size limits things you can do, and I’m not OK with that. Not to mention that a doctor would almost certainly put me on blood pressure medication, and I don’t want to do that, either. Clothes aren’t fitting and I’m just not comfortable with myself at all.
It is time.
I’ve been back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon for two weeks now, and I’ve now spent a week running again (lots of walking, but I’m getting out there). I’m signed up for a 5k in October and a half marathon in January. And I still have a goal in life to run a full marathon. This is not over, not by a long shot.
This blog will be a little different, though I’m still me. Life has changed, too – we moved our family to Florida from New York, and our family has grown – my younger son is now 18 weeks old and is an absolute little angel. I’m not focused on my race streak anymore, and though I’ll mostly talk about food and running and fitness here, I want to incorporate more of the elements of my life.
We’ll see how it goes. For the two of you that might actually read this, let me know what might be interesting.
A Constant State of Hunger 