This is not a post I’ve looked forward to making. I put it off until Monday evening, but I can put it off no longer.
The numbers:
Weight: 278.0
Two Week Gain / (Loss): 4.6 pounds
Total Gain / (Loss): (49.4 pounds)
I’m in a funk. A funk like I haven’t felt around this part of my life in a long time. Ever since roughly the half marathon my primary struggle has been food. Eating well is not something I’m good at, and achieving goals relieves some pressure. So I’ve struggled both with the content of my food – I’ve been eating a lot of crap again lately – AND the quantity.
Twice in the last few weeks I’ve purchased a bag of cookies at work and eaten the whole bag.
The whole damn bag.
That used to happen regularly. Of course, I also used to weigh nearly 330 pounds. Though I had never cut cookies out completely, I’ve been able to keep a lid on the binges like that. And lately I’ve really struggled. This, I’m convinced, is the root of my recent several-week plateau.
I didn’t gain weight, though, because I was still running. In preparation for the Ragnar I kept at it, and kept the mileage at a respectable level. But lately that has gotten funky, too. I’m not hurting, not injured. I just don’t feel like it. My legs feel dead earlier in runs than they did. And getting up in the morning (or, as important, going to bed in the evening) has become a real chore.
And then this week I got sick. Head cold – it was awful. I walked half of Thursday’s run, and I haven’t run since.
I’m reading Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, and he calls this feeling the running blues. Apparently this is common, and happens after big races and big goals (hello, Ragnar?). And that makes me feel immensely better.
Because this feeling isn’t OK. I think my body was telling me to rest, and for the last several days I have rested. And for the next couple of weeks … I will do my mileage, but I’m not going to push too hard. I’m going to ease back into this … but I AM going to get back into this. My official marathon training schedule actually started last week – so I’m back.
Time to get to 50 pounds down again. And start pushing for that next 50.
A Constant State of Hunger 